Child Rearing

Oneness – More than a Motto

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As I looked out the window, the sky darkened and a storm began to blow, causing the trees to bend back and forth in the gusting wind. I was mesmerized by their swaying. Each tree danced their own dance, yet in unison with each other and with the forces of nature. I started to see the power of oneness. Each tree’s spirit was rejoicing in the wind, and I with them. And for a brief moment, I felt the connection of our spirits and nothing else—that we seemed to possessed different forms was not important. We were connected by the same universal power.

Oneness can only be felt when we see no differences between us. If we look only at the form, such as a body, or a tree, we will see differences. When we see something as different, we see an aspect that we are lacking in ourselves. But when we look at everything as a spirit, a spirit that is part of us, there are no differences and we can love perfectly.

Applying the motto of Oneness
The next day, I tried my new perspective with my children. I made up my mind that I was not going to get angry or raise my voice over any perceived differences, such as rooms that needed cleaning or too much time on the computer. I tried to remember that the point was not to prove I had control or that any form or action was more important than showing my children that we are one and the same.

This approach had an immediate positive effect. When listening to my son, I found myself laughing instead of judging. I didn’t have to like his actions or words; I only had to love him. And, if he or my daughter needed a ‘correction,’ I did it with love and firmness. When my son needed to be reminded to nice to his sister and pouted, I kept my cool. The minor infractions were brought to light, remedied and forgotten. No hard feelings, yelling or angry words. By remembering our oneness, my attitude was different. This affected my words and actions, and my kids’ reactions. Even my husband seemed more relax.

The perceived differences between us are temporary
Children will grow up and most likely become parents themselves. Students will learn the teacher’s curriculum and perhaps become teachers themselves. All perceived inequalities will change with time. Differences are only illusions between us. Our spirits are all equal and connected.

Oneness. It seems like an overused motto, until it’s applied. Then, it seems like the most natural thing in the world.

Blessed journeys!

Patience of a Saint

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I went to my badminton league last night. The talent varies widely from children (many better than me) to those who play in tournaments. My daughter wanted to attend with me. She had only played badminton a few times with the neighborhood kids, but considered herself a good player.

Once on the badminton court, we began to warm up by hitting the birdie back and forth. Well, I hit it and she would try. She had problems serving the birdie, and as her confidence decreased, she soon was not able to hit the birdie at all. I suggested she try hitting it anyway she was comfortable, but it grew worse until it looked like she was going to cry. I wasn’t sure what to do, but continuing seemed cruel, so I suggested we stop for the night. As I was talking with another woman on the sidelines, my daughter and I were invited to play the next game.

My daughter and I stood in the middle of the court and had a quiet discussion. I asked her, “Do you want to play?” My daughter said “Yes.” I thought the game would to be too much for her and she’d be humiliated, but didn’t want to tell her that. The facilitator came up and asked if there was a problem. I told him my daughter hadn’t played before. “No problem. This isn’t life or death,” He said, “Let’s see what you can do.”

My daughter misses her first serve. I cringed. But his reaction changed everything. “Let me show you how to hold the racket,” he offered. And she is instructed for a half hour by him and another man on how to properly serve. They were genuinely patient and happy to do it. It was like watching Buddha teach badminton! The woman next to me began to observe the instruction and practice the “new” technique. Then I joined in. It became a learning session for all of us. And my daughter’s confidence went up and she enjoyed herself.

I saw such a gap between the men’s level of patience and my own. Their patience changed the situation into one of learning and love. Their perception changed the outcome. I want that level of patience for myself.

Blessed journeys!

A Healing Environment

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Yesterday, at a meetup group for intuitive and sensitive kids, a play date had been scheduled at a member’s farm house. Seven children played for hours, riding go-carts, jumping on a trampoline, playing dodge ball, and exploring the farm. Afterward, the host served a grand banquet of food. I was impressed with the spread and asked why they had served so much.

The grandmother of the three of the boys said, “This is the first time they’ve had friends over.”

I was shocked. Her grandsons varied in age from nine to 13 years old. How could they never had friends over? I asked the reason, and the grandmother replied they were autistic and didn’t have friends at school.

I was stunned. I hadn’t noticed. And neither had my children. Yet, I witnessed what appeared to be an ordinary day with kids playing well together. Go-carting. Hide-and-seek. Basketball. Why did this day go so well?

I have often heard that autistic kids are intuitive, which makes them receptive to the energy around them. I could see how group environments might upset them. They could easily pick up anger, excitement and irritation from the kids and teachers around them. I certainly have experienced this myself when going to the store, driving or working. But these kids had been content around my kids, whose energy was well balanced. This helped demonstrate that when we are at peace with ourselves, we provide a healing environment for others around us.

In the car, as we pulled away, my kids said to me told me how much fun they had, and wondered when they could do it again.

I let them know how special this day had been for those boys. Because they were autistic, this had been their first play date.

My kids were stunned. They hadn’t noticed. They just had fun. Souls playing with other souls.

 

Slumber Parties and a Mom’s Patience

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Yesterday my daughter had her first slumber party. A half hour before nine girls were to show up, I went upstairs to ask for help from the divine. I asked for patience, endurance and to not get mad over trivia things that might occur. Especially after the other morning when I lost my temper over my son not taking out the trash – a minor incidence compared to how I knew this day would test me.

At the party, we made punch, hit a piñata, played silly games, ate dinner and cheese cake and watched a video. The toilet also plugged up, the handle on the piñata fell off, the punch stained the counter top, and the girls were loud, but they were having fun – lots of it!

Later that night before going to bed, I thanked God for letting me make it through the day with my dignity intact, with no yelling or lose of control. And then I put my ear plugs in and went to sleep. It was a perfect day for my daughter, which was the most important aspect of this.

Blessed journeys!

Uncontrolled Anger

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There is a saying that if a man thinks he is in control, let him take care of a two-year-old.

Every time I think that I have reached a higher spiritual plateau, I lose my temper. Usually it is with my kids, who are on their own time schedule and are still young enough to know it all. And when I lose my temper, I feel my self esteem drop to its lowest notch. How could I possibly think that my son moving too slowly is more important than staying in a loving mode? When I lose my temper, I have identified with my separateness. I think his agenda is working against mine. My ego won’t stand for being ignored… that says I am not important. And the ego must always feel important.

I have no illusions that my ego isn’t huge and that my struggles with it may be greater than most. As soon as I have lose my temper, I realign myself and refuse to continue to identify with it. Instead, I ask for forgiveness from the offended person and forgive myself. And re-remember that the ego is not my true self.

So, I will now sit and think about the actions that lead to my lose of self control this morning, and see at what point I could have stopped it from escalating from a request to a demand shouted by a mad woman. And hope that next time, it triggers the knowledge that nothing is more important than a healthy relationship between me and my children… and certainly more important than whether the trash is taken out by a 9-year-old.

Well-behaved Kids Don’t Just Happen

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“Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are to some extent a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it piece by piece by thought, choice, courage and determination.”
– John Luther

I received an email from a friend today stating how much she had enjoyed my children’s company and how well behaved they are. It’s comforting to know that others find my kids well behaved, but most importantly, that people are valuing what is inside my children.

…When I first knew you, I admired your business sense and talent (still do actually) but as I have become older and my priorities have become more clear to me, I most admire you for what you have given of yourself as a mother to assure that the two young lives entrusted to you are raised so that they will have great character and strong values. If I were to say that Savannah and Zach are beautiful children both inside and out, that would sum it up perfectly.

I hope that when other people see my children who are happy and well-adjusted, that I inadvertently promote a more holistic and maybe even a shamanistic approach. An approach that has raised a son who formed a “worm club” to save worms every morning at the bus stop from drying out on the sidewalk. And a daughter, who yesterday carried a bug outside the house instead of squishing it. When I see these actions in my kids, I know they have learned values about life and love that have been built over time. Hopefully, they will go forth as adults to promote healing just by being loving.

Blessed journeys!


Living the Shamanic Life in a Modern World

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I have been thinking about the direction of this blog. It seems that offering overviews of soul retrieval, aura cleansings and healings don’t really seem the right direction. After all, those explanations are pretty standard. I thought it would be more interesting to offer insight on how living a shamanic life impacts family, career, friends and community.

Raising children as a shaman can be a balancing act living in a modern society setting. For instance, how can I raise my children to understand that we are all connected if I criticize them for giving away a favorite toy (because another kid admired it). How do I explain that everything is alive – yes, even that stuffed animal, and not get worried when my son goes to school and tells his classmates that the stuffed animal is alive! I worry that my lifestyle will impact their social opportunities and whether other kids will sit with them on the bus. I worry, yet none of my fears come to fruition. They are social, have lots of friends, and still understand that they are realms that are real that cannot be seen with our “eyes.” They seem to self regulate what they say and intuitively know who will be receptive and who won’t.

For instance, my son, age 9, had asked if he could show his friend my “rock collection.” I think, sure why not. Every kids like stones and crystals. When I began to wonder what was taking them so long, the two kids finally appeared. I asked my son how his friend liked the rocks and why they were up there so long. It turns out my son had used the rocks to build a circle around his friend and was sending him healing energy. Fear rises in me! What if he tells his parents? I ask my son what his friend thought of that and he simply says, “He liked it,” and runs outdoors. I start to think I am making this too complicated. Kids understand. It’s me that is learning to live in this society and undo years of conditioning and teachings. Learning to let go of the fears that seem to come with being raised in modern world.