Uncontrolled Anger

There is a saying that if a man thinks he is in control, let him take care of a two-year-old.

Every time I think that I have reached a higher spiritual plateau, I lose my temper. Usually it is with my kids, who are on their own time schedule and are still young enough to know it all. And when I lose my temper, I feel my self esteem drop to its lowest notch. How could I possibly think that my son moving too slowly is more important than staying in a loving mode? When I lose my temper, I have identified with my separateness. I think his agenda is working against mine. My ego won’t stand for being ignored… that says I am not important. And the ego must always feel important.

I have no illusions that my ego isn’t huge and that my struggles with it may be greater than most. As soon as I have lose my temper, I realign myself and refuse to continue to identify with it. Instead, I ask for forgiveness from the offended person and forgive myself. And re-remember that the ego is not my true self.

So, I will now sit and think about the actions that lead to my lose of self control this morning, and see at what point I could have stopped it from escalating from a request to a demand shouted by a mad woman. And hope that next time, it triggers the knowledge that nothing is more important than a healthy relationship between me and my children… and certainly more important than whether the trash is taken out by a 9-year-old.

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5 thoughts on “Uncontrolled Anger

  1. Dear Shaman
    I can feel your pain about kids and getting anger .I have a four year old grand daughter and she can get me real mad at times .I can tell her not do some thing she will turn around and just do it. I have a shadow box with all my awards from the military and it is real heavy and it hangs on the wall ,and she will keep jumping on the couch I will tell her to stop and she wont. I will yell at her and get so mad . I fell like I want to go into my military mod and displine her but I have to stop and walk away , . and think she is a child and then I will come back and explain to her of the dangers of what happen she she dose not listen . Latter I will go outside and think and pray for patients that I will have understanding and remeber that we were all young once .I also ask that to remain simple and a kind person to all who I may have contact with during the day.
    Well have a great day,and blessing to you.

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  2. You sure make me feel normal. Your words ring loud for me: “Every time I think that I have reached a higher spiritual plateau, I lose my temper.” Nothing is more important for me than to build loving relationships with my children and try not to sweat the small stuff. Thank you for sharing; I’ve been embarrassed that I try so hard to tap into heaven’s love and then miss the mark completely where it matters in the lives of my own children. And then forgiving self is one of life’s hardest lessons, great reminder! You’re a wonderful inspiration.

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  3. In my family if mom or dad said ‘do’.. you better jump and do.
    Or the belt comes off. It was the same in school. If the teacher said
    sit down and shut up, you better do it, or you went to the principals office and got a paddling. Our generation didn’t turn out so bad, but it looks like this is screwed. Kids are always testing you. They need borders and discipline. Keep on feeding them ‘A course in Miracles’ and keep on watching what they are doing.. sex, violence, disrespect.. etc. But all kids are different. I have never spanked my kids. Never had to. They were very obedient and respectful. Those kind don’t need the belt.. but some do..

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