There is a saying that if a man thinks he is in control, let him take care of a two-year-old.
Every time I think that I have reached a higher spiritual plateau, I lose my temper. Usually it is with my kids, who are on their own time schedule and are still young enough to know it all. And when I lose my temper, I feel my self esteem drop to its lowest notch. How could I possibly think that my son moving too slowly is more important than staying in a loving mode? When I lose my temper, I have identified with my separateness. I think his agenda is working against mine. My ego won’t stand for being ignored… that says I am not important. And the ego must always feel important.
I have no illusions that my ego isn’t huge and that my struggles with it may be greater than most. As soon as I have lose my temper, I realign myself and refuse to continue to identify with it. Instead, I ask for forgiveness from the offended person and forgive myself. And re-remember that the ego is not my true self.
So, I will now sit and think about the actions that lead to my lose of self control this morning, and see at what point I could have stopped it from escalating from a request to a demand shouted by a mad woman. And hope that next time, it triggers the knowledge that nothing is more important than a healthy relationship between me and my children… and certainly more important than whether the trash is taken out by a 9-year-old.