I am that I am

English: Deepak Chopra in November 2006, speak...

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“…Death has been with you every moment of your life…You have survived thousands of deaths every day as your old thoughts, your old cells, your old emotions, and even your old identity passed away. Everyone is living in the afterlife right now. What is there to fear? When people wonder if the personality survives death, the answer is that personality doesn’t even survive while we are alive. We are not the same person we were five, ten, or fifteen years ago…Our personalities are constantly evolving, transforming, growing.” ~ Deepak ChopraLife After Death: The Burden of Proof

In his book, Chopra mentioned that we can experience both happiness and sadness with the same welcome, because neither are real. This really hit home later while I was cooking dinner a wave of fruitlessness passed over me. As I focused on this emotion, I remembered that it wasn’t really ‘me’ and away it went. It was the first time I practiced non-attachment of my emotions and realized how freeing it could be.

So if I am not my personality, my body or my thoughts, who am I? While I believe that I am an eternal, perfect being—a lifetime of a changing body, events, and thoughts have made it nearly impossible to totally comprehend this belief.

I have tried to “find” my true self by meditating daily, losing myself to the love that flows through me. I know that this perception is much closer to the real me than my normal reality, but it’s still a limited experience, because it uses my senses. Chopra wrote, “Vedanta holds that consciousness is convinced by its own creations. Therefore, nothing we can see, hear, and touch, whether in waking, dreaming, or beyond both, is ultimately real. They represent shifting perspectives.” It is the illusion convincing itself of its own reality!

If this life is an illusion, then where do we really reside? We often think of our true selves going “somewhere” after we die, such as heaven or hell.

I had an experienced in October 2010, a few days after my mother passed, which helped me to see that we don’t go anywhere—it is only our perception that changes. The event took place at my mother’s workplace. I was in a meeting with my sister and the HR director who was going over our mother’s life insurance benefits, which had been split evenly between us. Then the HR director mentioned that my mother’s pension had been given solely to my sister. I immediately felt resentment, but I didn’t want to feel this way toward my sister, especially while I was grieving for my mother. So I asked the Spirit to take this painful emotion from me. It was then that I experienced my greatest miracle.

Here are the details taken from my book, Shaman Stone Soup“After the meeting, we were taken to my mother’s cubicle to clean it out. I was emotionally distant from my sister as we emptied the drawers. I kept battling against the resentment that picked at me, and I asked the Spirit to take this thought from me.

Suddenly, my mother’s spirit descended over me. Her presence completely surrounded me and her vision became mine. Through my mother’s eyes, the whole world glowed with love and beams of light radiated from my sister. My mother’s memories filled my consciousness, and I could see my sister as the little girl, teenager and young woman she had raised. My mother saw her as an innocent daughter, who would be taken care of with the pension she had inherited. I felt the comfort that it gave my mother and the love she had for my sister.

Immediately, all resentment left me. I knew my mother had given the pension out of love, and as I experienced that love, it became impossible for me to feel anything else. 

Then my mother was gone.”

Although I had never left the room, the dreary office space had transformed into golden light. My sister, the room and even the world, became faint outlines and love became the predominant vision. It made me realize that we don’t go someplace else to find ourselves. Love is all around us.

Death was not the end of my mother. She was able to communicate with me and send her love. The miracle had helped to show that we are all connected, whether we have a body or not.

Perhaps recognizing our true selves is taken in baby steps. Starting with a willingness to find it and asking for help from a higher source who sees beyond our illusion. We then begin receiving visions and experiences of pure love, which help us to develop a more “real” perception within this illusion, a step that allows us to ready ourselves for the final step into all-encompassing love.

The Difference Between Schizophrenic Shamans and Schizophrenics

SSS Mems2

A shaman was once asked, “How do you know whether your shamanic journeys are real or just your imagination?” Her response was, “Is there a difference?”

I wonder if I wouldn’t be labeled “crazy” for seeing spirits and claiming  to have healing powers, if it weren’t for millenniums of shamans before me, successfully helping their tribes to heal, find game and evoke favorable weather patterns. Most shamans are schizophrenic, yet don’t have the problems associated with it in our culture.

First, shamans and schizophrenics both:

  • See spirits
  • Hear voices
  • Have claims of God speaking to them
  • Believe they have the power of God/Great Spirit within them

Their differences are:

  • Shamans can control when they see spirits (most of the time)
  • The spirits don’t control the shaman
  • Shamans don’t have episodes of being catatonic (they go into altered states intentionally)
  • Shamans can differentiate between this realm and other realms

The main difference is control. A shaman learns to control the interaction between the him/herself and the spirits, and controls the transition between the realms.

Another difference is schizophrenics can’t control the negative entities’ voices that bombard them to the point of making them catatonic, manic or violent. I personally have dealt with negative entities, but as a shaman, I have spirit guides and totem animals to shield me. A schizophrenic is dealing with it alone.

If you are schizophrenic, consider learning how to shamanic journey. It can change your life!

Seven Guides to Happiness and Peace

Every decision based on fear is the wrong decision. Not because of the outcome, but because of its motive.

How do you face situations when the answers seem beyond your understanding or ability? How do you go through life feeling comfortable you are on the right path, even when events don’t seem to be going your way?

Here are seven guides for living a happy and peaceful life:

When fearful, call for love. Call on the Spirit who transforms all that is fearful into love. Offer Him your fear and He will take it from you. You will feel the emotional transformation almost immediately, if you are willing to let it go. For a detailed explanation on how to give fear and other unwanted emotions to the Spirit, please read my blog post Meditation Techniques.

When making decisions, ask for divine guidance. Ask for help throughout the day when making decisions. And, then wait for guidance that may come in the form of a gut feeling, heart’s desire, knowing, or you may actually hear the quiet voice speak to you and offer Its guidance on how to handle the situation. The Spirit will help you respond in a loving way.

When you feel guilty, realize that you are responding from fear. Guilt can be immobilizing, infecting so many others aspects of your life. Guilt stems from the fear that you have created a situation that was harmful to others or yourself. It stems from a belief that this dream is real. Can such a temporary moment be real? Can anything that was not created from love be real? There is a message from the Spirit in my book Shaman Stone Soup that answers this well: “Guilt—the universal punishment. For what? What have you done? Illusions of deeds gone wrong, misspoken words, actions that seemed to kill or harm others, all are dreams of injuries to ourselves and others, and yet they are only dreams. The spirit realm, where all the loved ones wait, is a much more accurate portrayal of yourself. Yet even this is incomplete. You are ultimately only love, extending itself for all of eternity.”

Forgive. Remember that your life is a dream created by you. Don’t spend your time blaming others. And like any dream, it’s not real! Let it go. Remember that you and everyone are perfect spirits who have dreamed of imperfection. You are not your body, your actions, your failures. Remember to laugh at your mistakes—they are just a blip on the radar. Forgive every trespass that comes to your mind. Let them all go.

Remember Your Perfectness. You cannot achieve spiritual purity, you’re already a perfect spirit. All you can do is remove the thoughts that keep you from remembering your perfectness. A message from the Spirit in Shaman Stone Soup states: “We are all divine spirits, helping others on conscious and unconscious levels. The past, present, and future exist simultaneously—all lives, all events have already occurred—leaving you with memories of illusions that you pluck from the recesses of your mind. You have reached enlightenment because you have never left it. So, you have the ability to act as an angel, reaching out to others, offering miracles and love, now.”

Surrender. You are like a wave in the ocean, fearful that the ocean will swallow you, and you will be no more. Yet, you have been alive for eternity and always will be. Release your attachment to the dream you have made, and allow your true self, your eternal spirit, to shine through. Don’t fear being part of the ocean. Accept your role in this greatness, and you will realize how mighty you are, instead of how lonely and separated you feel.

Respond with love. Life is about learning to release and forgive everything that is not love. Every temptation to be anxious, guilty, or depressed is identification with fear—an attempt to make this dream real. Love is the recognition that you are an eternal being that can never be destroyed, attacked, or diminished in any way. When you respond with love, you remember your true self.

Why a Healing May Not Take Effect

There are many reasons why a healing may not take effect:

Conflicting Wishes

If a person has two wishes that conflict, then obviously they will experience disappointment of one of them. For instance, if a person wants to be healed of a physical or mental disability, but doesn’t want to go back to work, they have a conflict. Because going back to work can involve fear, the desire to stay home may triumph over the request to be healed.

A true-life example of conflicting wishes occurred when a mother requested a shamanic healing for her teenage daughter, who because of a difficult birth had become severely mentally impaired, needed constant care, and was prone to violent outbursts. During the shamanic journey, I requested a healing for her daughter, but was told by the spirit guide that the young girl had agreed to this disability before coming into this life to learn a tough life lesson. In previous lives, she had been extremely beautiful and enjoyed many privileges. She also had been unkind and sometimes cruel, because she could get away with it. She now was experiencing a lifetime with that same beauty, but with no way to take advantage of it and was relying on others for help.

As the spirit guide explained this to me, the young girl’s spirit watched in the background hoping for a healing, because she did not want to complete this difficult life lesson. But, the spirit guide said it would be a waste of an important life lesson if she were healed.

Her current wish to be rid of this disability conflicted with her first request to make spiritual progress through a difficult life lesson, and only one could be honored.

Why would a miracle cause fear? When a person experiences a transformation in this reality that cannot not be explained with laws of this world, they have to accept that there is a greater force outside of this reality. This could result in uprooting their entire belief foundation and cause fear.

The Spirit will withhold a healing if it will induce fear, however, when the person is ready to accept the healing without fear, it will be waiting for them.

Removing the Root of the Problem
Your entire being is created by thought, as is the universe. Your thoughts are extremely powerful and have the power to create your life, including happiness and love, and, on the less positive side, illness and misfortune.

For instance, if you are holding a grudge against your mother because she was emotionally abusive, this anger, even if it is openly expressed against her, is held within you. You experience the negative thought flowing through your mind—which manifests into this reality in the form of negative energy/stress, coursing through your body looking for an outlet, and, if it is sustained long enough, may cause an illness to develop (over and over).

The thought must be removed from your mind for a complete healing to occur. You may temporarily ease the symptom through medications, or time may seem to heal it, but it most likely will recur because the root problem still exists, although it may change form. It’s like crabgrass where you have pulled out the green blades of grass above the surface, but the roots remains, ready to regrow.

To completely remove the cause, you must release it through forgiveness. This can be hard work, and I recommend that you ask the Spirit’s help with this one (see the meditation technique, ‘I Give This to the Spirit‘). If you have suppressed your emotions, it may take a lot of honest reflection to reveal your true state of mind.

Guilt can easily project its negative energy into the body to induce and retain illness.

The ego uses guilt to keep you focused on seeing yourself as a body, instead of a perfect spiritual being. A great diversion tactic!

Guilt is a worthless emotion. You were created a perfect spiritual being and have remained so in eternity, but the ego would have you believe that your guilt has made you unworthy of love and healing. Again, I recommend the meditation technique, ‘I Give This to the Spirit‘ for releasing this emotion, because guilt can be a tough one to release on your own!

A healing once given needs to be accepted, even if on an unconscious level, to be effective. If a healing is not immediately accepted, it will not dissolve, but it will wait patiently until a person is ready to accept it.

Blessed journeys!

It Might Get Worse, Before It Gets Better

“I have lived with several Zen masters -- all of them cats.”  Eckhart Tolle

“I have lived with several Zen masters — all of them cats.”
Eckhart Tolle

Our higher mind is split between listening to our ego and our Divine self, and is always choosing which side to listen to. When a person meditates, the ego realizes that the person is no longer listening to It and will use attack methods to get the person’s attention. The ego may induce fear, old grievances, anger, anxiety, random thoughts, etc., switching from one to another in an effort to force the person to pay attention to the ego’s concerns instead of their Divine self.

Because of the ego’s attacks, you may initially find meditation difficult
During meditation, you may remember old events or feel deep-seated, negative emotions. You may become fearful or angry when these arise, but keep in mind this is an opportunity for healing (although it might not feel like it). Each unwanted emotion or thought that comes to your attention is an opportunity to release it through forgiveness. With each release, the veil becomes thinner and your connection to the Spirit becomes stronger. For more on releasing unwanted thoughts and emotions, read Meditation Techniques.

Another common frustration is feeling that nothing is happening when you meditate. I assure you that just by trying, you are achieving something. I spent months meditating before I felt the ‘connection’ to the Divine. Suddenly I knew why so many people touted the benefits of meditating! For a brief moment, I “lost” myself in the golden rays of love. It felt wonderful and still does!

Through meditation, you will:

  • Realize that the ego’s negative thoughts are not true
  • Train your mind to listen to your divine self instead of the ego
  • Quiet your mind and feel peaceful
  • Reduce fear, anger, anxiety and other unwanted emotions through recognition and release (forgiveness)
  • Let the love of the Divine flow through you, which energizes and restores your mind and body

Three Life-changing Meditation Techniques

Below are details of three meditation techniques that I recommend frequently to people. I learned these techniques from the lesson plans in the A Course in Miracles book. These meditations are useful for strengthening your connection to the Spirit, removing unwanted thoughts and releasing emotional burdens. I use the ‘Connecting to the Divine Energy’ meditation on a daily basis and the other two as needed.

‘Connecting to the Divine Energy’ Meditation
The amount of time you spend is not important. It’s the connection to the Divine Energy that matters. Even if you haven’t connected to the Divine Energy before, you can do this!

To begin, sit quietly and let your mind go blank (if you have a problem doing this, try the “Releasing Unwanted Thoughts Meditation” technique below first). Breathe deeply while envisioning the Divine Energy entering your crown chakra (top of head), letting your breath carry the Divine Energy through your spine. Feel yourself being open and receptive to the Divine Energy. When you release your breath, envision it rising over your chakras and out your mouth. This facilitates a complete “circuit,” allowing the energy to flow through your body. Continue to slowly breath in and out. The results can differ from person to person and even day to day, so be open to the sensation. You may feel love or peace, or you may simply forget about your body and ‘lose’ yourself for an instant in the Divine Energy. Again, it’s not about the measure of time, but rather simply connecting to the Divine Energy. This technique can have an extreme effect on your life, especially when practiced daily.

Although the connection to the Divine Energy can occur the first time you try it, it may take days or even months to feel the connection. Don’t give up too soon! Every time you try, you are making progress, and eventually, you’ll feel the connection.

‘Giving It to the Spirit’
You can use this technique when ever you feel overwhelmed by an unwanted emotion or simply not at peace. You can give your unwanted emotion, such as fear, anxiety, depression, anger, etc. to the Spirit by saying, “I give this to you,” either silently or out loud. The unwanted emotion is soon replaced by a sense of love and peace. The transformation takes place immediately or within a short amount of time. Each time you feel an unwanted emotion offer it to the Spirit. You may have to offer it several times (this is because you may have difficulty letting go of the unwanted emotion—not due to the Spirit’s inability to transform it).

The first time I tried this technique was when my family and I moved to North Carolina. Me and my husband were looking for jobs, but it was just before the holidays and during the 2008 recession, so we weren’t getting any interviews or calls. One day, after the stress of moving to a new state with no income became overwhelming, I felt I was about to have my first anxiety attack. Before the feeling became overwhelming, I decided to give this burden to Spirit. I felt an immediate warmth enter my body. The fear was gone within a few seconds!

It was a confirmation to me that the Spirit is always available to help and does love us. I now find myself releasing ALL unwanted emotions, even ‘small’ ones such as irritation and impatience, as they occur. This has made a tremendous difference in the quality of my life.

Releasing Unwanted Thoughts Meditation (Great for abundance!)
You can use this meditation when you have thoughts that keep interrupting your meditation.

First, sit and relax. Let your mind go blank. When a thought comes to your mind, acknowledge it and then release it. If it is a thought that causes unwanted emotion or distress, you should give it to the Spirit (see the technique above) by saying “I give this to you.” It is very important that once an unwanted emotion is recognized that it is released to the Spirit, otherwise, you will reinforce the thought and keep it.

Continue doing this until the thoughts stop coming. You can then continue with the ‘Connecting to the Spirit’ meditation technique described above.

The first time I used this technique was after an offer on a house fell through. This was on top of all the other things “going wrong” in my life, and I wondered what beliefs were limiting me from accepting the Universal abundance that is available to all of us. I spent the entire morning releasing everything that came to my mind–some from childhood and teen years right up to the present. Sometimes I had to release what I had done to others. It became a major lesson in forgiveness. But what shocked me the most was the unexpected effects this technique had on me. A few days later, the deal on the house came back and I had an offer for a job that I hadn’t applied for (and it paid well). It’s amazing what happens when we release the barriers to the Divine Energy!

These techniques can have many positive effects and you will eventually begin to ‘hear’ the Spirit’s voice, which can help guide your life. You will feel love on a daily basis and know that you are not traveling this life alone.

NOTE: Some people have expressed a concern that they felt worse during meditation, so I wrote another post , It Might Get Worse, Before It Gets Better, which helps explains this.

Choosing a Healing

People often ask for specific shamanic healings, such as a soul retrieval, past life healing or aura cleansing. All are powerful healings that help to remove blocks in our mind that keep us from fully connecting to our spirit. All of us have many blocks, and can spend many lifetimes trying to remove them before reaching enlightenment.

When I shamanic journey, I prefer to let go of the ‘agenda’ and keep an open mind that the Spirit will bequeath the best healing for myself or another. For instance, I was to perform a healing for a young man who was angry and depressed. Neither he or his family could understand why he felt this way. He had years of traditional treatment, but nothing made any improvement. During the healing, I saw one of his past lives in which he was cruelly murder. With forgiveness and ‘restructuring’ of his past life, the ties to the past were removed. In a second healing, his energetic body was repaired (which helps to keep out negativity from daily interactions in this life). He was also given guardian angels to help venture out into the world without fear. He felt an immediate improvement and has continued to improve for over a year.

If a specific healing had been requested, such as a soul retrieval, we might have missed the past life healing which removed the significant cause of his ongoing depression and anger issues. But, because we allowed the Spirit to lead the way, we were offered the best healings in the proper time and order.

Blessed journeys!

Addictions and Spirituality – Same Goal, Different Paths


All paths eventually lead us back to our Divine Source, but some paths are more painful than others.

Deep down inside of all of us, there is an urge to connect with our divine source that can’t be ignored. Some people use drugs, compulsive shopping and/or gambling to get an artificial high that mimics the Divine connection, but it never satisfies them. After the high wears off, the addict is left empty, prompting the cycle to repeat itself.

There are lots of great treatment centers out there, but 40-60% of addicts return to their former lifestyles because addiction is caused by a spiritual emptiness.

Once an addict is willing to turn inward and acknowledge that the emptiness comes from feeling separate from the universal love, then they can begin to follow a path that allows them to feel whole again. Which path they choose is up to them. Some people turn to religion for comfort, others discover practices such as Shamanism, Paganism, Gnosticism, yoga, meditation and many others. It doesn’t matter which one they choose, as long as they connect with the universal love, because then they will finally feel filled inside.