Questioning delusions is the first step in undoing them.
— A Course in Miracles, Urtext Manuscripts
When I was in my early 20s, I lost my belief in Christianity. This left a hole in me that couldn’t figure how to fill. Christianity and my relationship with Jesus had been extremely important to me, and both of my parents were active in the church. I actively read the bible and prayed each day. Which is why it’s amazing that I would lose my religion because of the profound impact of a single book.
The book was The Great Cosmic Mother: Rediscovering the Religion of the Earth. It is an excellent book that covers the religions of humanity since the earliest known religion of the Goddess. The book shows how modern religions are based on earth-based spirituality and have twisted the original beliefs and practices. For example: priests wear robes to look like women, because women were the original spiritual leaders; Women are banned or limited from preaching in most religions, because of men’s fear of women re-establishing their power; condemnation of female sexuality; many modern holidays are based on pagan “of the land” traditions; patriarchal rule to establish paternity rights and make women property (still common in parts of the world); and the witch-hunts. I came to believe that much of what my religion had proclaimed was a lie, and also concluded that if religion was a lie, then so was God. I was young and couldn’t see that religion and God did not have to go hand-in-hand. Or for that matter, that God didn’t create religion.
The next 10 years I spent living as an atheist, and oddly enough, reading about Buddhism, metaphysics, paganism, quantum physics, etc. Shamanism came to my attention while reading the best-selling book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It peaked my interest that there was something ‘out there’ that I hadn’t heard of.
A few months later, a local hospital offered a workshop on shamanic journeying. It seemed odd that a hospital would offer this type of class, but I was interested and signed up. I thought I would learn the history of shamanism, and had no idea that we would actually be shamanic journeying. I was surprised at how well I did. Actually, all the students did well, which is a compliment to the teacher, and shows how natural it is to shamanic journey.
After the workshop, my family and I moved to Florida, and I continued to shamanic journey on my own. As I continued, I began to get lessons from my spirit guides. I also began asking my spirit guide for healing for friends and family, and was amazed it worked. I began to realize shamanic journeying and its effects such as healing and divination were real (and not just my imagination). But, I didn’t question where the power was coming from.
One day, while talking with my mother about the shamanic healings, she asked the question, “Where do you think God fits into all of this?” I answered, “Well, if God exists, he certainly is capable of making himself known.” As we continue talking about this, a heavy pressure began to press down on my crown chakra. The pressure grew heavier until I could no longer hold up my head.
I told my mother that I would call her later and immediately went to shamanic journey. I had to know what was going on! My power animal took me to the upper realm where Jesus waited for me. Part of me was scared to see him, since I had abandoned my religion and belief in God, and another part of me was very happy to see him. He held out his hand to greet me and said, “Welcome home.”
We embraced and then he continued, “We can heal together. All that I did, you can do as well.” I doubted my ability to leave my career and heal on a full-time basis. I said to him, “Well, I am not like you, I can’t pull gold coins out of fish mouths.” Jesus replied, “Hold out your hand,” and I did. He placed two gold coins in my hand and said, “Now, go do what you need to do. I will take care of you.”
So, it seemed that losing my religion had a purpose. I found God again, but on another path that fit me better and removed the limitations that were imposed by my religion and myself. What had seemed to be taking a step backwards, was simply an undoing of beliefs that allowed new beliefs to enter. It all had happened perfectly.
I am grateful for my Christian upbringing. It gave me a relationship with Jesus that I was able to re-establish through shamanism and The Course of Miracles teachings. I am now settled in North Carolina. The lessons from Jesus and the Spirit continue to unfold on a daily basis. Some days, when I make a mistake because I have not listened to the Divine Voice, I am reminded to be more diligent in listening. And, I remember to forgive myself and learn from the mistake, because sometimes a step backwards can help me leap forward.
“Moving forward, always entails some regression, because we must undo our false perception before we accept a new perception. This is why forgiveness is so important to healing. It releases the past.”
